8 Reasons Why Being Fatty Is Cool

1.You don’t have to worry about each and every piece of food you swallow. Do you know what the best revenge to all those skinny bitches is? Sit in front of them in the restaurant and order a good old stake.

2. Rejoice, fat men and their girlfriends! An average sexual act with big guys lasts 5 minutes longer than one with the bag of bones. That results from higher estrogen level that slows down the ejaculation.

3. Fat people can save tons of money on winter clothing. The natural layer of fat protects them from low temperatures. Thus, you can run around naked while those skinny losers wrap themselves up with furs and shake like Chihuahuas.

4. Fat guy is a king of any swimming pool party. When everyone is loaded and it’s time to jump in the pool, no one can produce as many splashes as his fat ass.

5. Fatties feel comfortable in the crowd. That’s a cool bonus on your favorite rock band gig – basically, you are like a Gulliver among lilliputs. So, feel free to push all these ants apart and hang out near the stage right in front of the band.

6. Everyone loves fatties. Apparently, they are believed to be funny and kind-hearted, and people treat them so even if they are dull and evil in a flesh. So, being fat is cool if you are a serial killer or a maniac. Nobody would suspect a funny rosy-cheeked cutie in killing 100 orphans.

7. Being fat is an awesome advantage if you were taken captive and caged in the forest with no food and water. I bet your skinny fellow inmates will die of malnutrition in a week while your body can feed itself with its fat stores for quite a while until the cops came and saved your ass. And don’t forget to gain your pounds back after the rescue… just in case.

8. Fat guys are liberated from lots of annoying routines. Nobody would ask them to run around and pick up pieces of dry wood to build up the fire on camping. Nobody would ask them to jump in the water and play a lifeguard if someone is drowning. And of course no one would ask them to go grab more beer in the middle of the party simply because they are too slow. So just sit back and enjoy.

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